scene with ~namedforhim.

[poeticforce]

They both knew it was bound to happen eventually. No matter how cautious they were, how careful they were, how much they tried to plan or restrain emotions or keep things 'normal' by sheer will alone. They both hated it (to varying extents, Poe would never claim to know exactly what the other man was thinking unless he told him) but it was necessary. Expectations weighed on both of them and there were dozens of reasons why this was a bad idea with potential to have ripples further than either of them could see.

And of course, it happened in the worst way.

He should have made sure the door was locked but after weeks apart thanks to a mission the last thing either of them were thinking about was security. Well, Poe might have, but when Anakin's lips were on his and hands yanking on his belt it was difficult to think about anything but the younger man. Neither of them heard the door, but they definitely heard the startled exclamation and dread chased away desire faster than Poe realized was possible as his eyes flew open to land upon Leia.

For a fleeting moment, he thought he'd almost rather deal with Kylo Ren again. Sure, why not. Even that had to be better than the disappointment -- and betrayal?? -- he swore he could see in her eyes.

Not fifteen minutes later the two of them were having it out in the briefing room, the glass only halfway muffling the argument and certainly doing nothing to hide it from those in mission control at the moment. His face was on fire, less from any embarrassment as from the hard slap that'd nearly made him stumble once he caught up to Leia. It felt like having a fight with his mom and Poe hated that. He hated every second of it. But damn it, they weren't doing anything wrong. His voice raised; this was one argument that he refused to back down from.

Then she had to go and blindside him. Throwing a mission at him that was out near Hutt Space, too dangerous for anyone else. It'd take him easily a week just to get out there and damn it, he'd just gotten back. But either he did his job or he was done. Not demoted, done. Poe was sure it was just emotion talking but that didn't stop the way his throat tightened or his eyes stung.

Fine. Fine. What choice did he have.

Anger and hurt were coiled in his gut, scalding and dark with energy that wasn't purely emotion. He stalked outside with helmet in hand but didn't immediately go to his ship. Flying angry was dangerous. He just needed a minute to try and clear his head, to try and not think about the fact Leia was sending him away because he was involved with her son. It wasn't fucking fair. None of this was.

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[namedforhim]

Anakin felt like he was five years old again. Overlooked, ignored, given affection in passing simply because he was the Princess and General's son. He'd been raised by droids, nannies of metal only too delighted to look after him, teach him, toddle along after him, and pick him up whenever he squalled.

Looking back, it was no wonder his mother seemed more of a stranger than anything else. Especially now.

He stood outside the briefing room, in the outer corridor, listening without meaning to as General Solo and her best pilot shouted back and forth at each other. And felt sicker to his stomach with each flung word. But he wasn't going to leave. He wasn't. Poe deserved better than that, than abandonment.

And by all the kryffing hells, they hadn't been doing anything wrong.

So Anakin simply looked down the hallway, not even seeing the staff that paused at the noise, looked to him nervously, then hurried on their way. It was only when Poe stormed out of the briefing room, flushed and out of breath, anger high on his sharp cheekbones, and Anakin's heart plummeted to his boots. He knew better than to reach out, to say anything; his commanding officer was right behind the pilot, glaring at him with enough intensity to cow anyone else in the galaxy.

Her youngest son only felt...numb, by that hard expression.

Anakin couldn't even watch Poe storm off--not that he didn't want to run after him and apologize for the next two years for inflicting this upon him--but because his mother simply wouldn't allow it. But Han Solo's true offspring met her Look steadily, unswervingly. And, since he was his father's son, opened his mouth first.

"Why are you so upset?"

Calm, aloof, resigned. He'd learned before he toddled how to control his anger, to keep all of his emotion carefully bottled away. Letting it rule his actions could be deadly. And he was stronger than that.

was weird trying to pick an icon for this since it's mostly leia lol

[poeticforce]

"You know why." Leia's tone was scarcely different than it had been with Poe, at least before they started yelling. Less anger perhaps, but disapproval and disappointment were loud and clear. "You don't need the distraction of some tryst with him. And he knows better."

She sighed in a distinctly motherly way. No, she hadn't been around near as much as a mother should and there was nothing that could be done to change it, but Anakin was still her son. Her youngest and most precious, particularly after what happened with Ben. It wasn't that she didn't want her son to find happiness in someone else -- even if relationships were a tricky issue when it came to Force users, Jedi in particular -- she was just hard-pressed to consider Poe a good choice. Oh, she never had a problem with the two spending time together, Anakin needed a positive older male figure in his life, but she never remotely expected them to be more than brotherly friends. Yes, Poe was a brilliant pilot and had a heart of gold -- but he was also a fair bit like Han. He was reckless and impulsive and exactly the type to break hearts without meaning to. Not at all the type she would want to see Anakin with.

With all that lay on Anakin's shoulders, a relationship had far too much potential to muddy up his priorities. They all had to make sacrifices for the greater good. Once the war was over, then a relationship wouldn't pose as much of a distraction. Her best pilot didn't need the distraction either. Nor did she think he truly understood how special Anakin was to the galaxy. With Ben corrupted by Snoke, Anakin was all the more important.

No, there was no room for foolish teenage-like pursuits.

"I want to hear that this is done. Over with. And when he returns from his mission I expect the two of you to be nothing more than friends. Do you hear me, Anakin? No more of this foolishness."



Meanwhile, Poe still lingered outside, trying to swallow down the urge to lash out -- at anyone, really -- as he watched the ground crew readying his X-wing. Even the concerned beeps of BB-8 couldn't get him to let go out the anger just yet.

"Yeah, I know we just got back, buddy. Not my call." It was probably the first time ever that he sounded bitter about a mission.

but the tag is amazing, tho. <3

[namedforhim]

Anakin's eyes narrow slightly. But not in anger. That would be futile. "We can't just turn the feelings off, General," he intoned, a touch of formality entering his voice. Then his tone hardened a fraction. "And Poe's never been a distraction. Not for me."

A bastion of strength, perhaps. A place where all the chaos in the galaxy made sense, definitely. A helping hand, a laugh in the darkness, a voice of experience when all before him lay in confusion.

"You can't blame him," Anakin told her, still in that same calm, reasonable tone. "He didn't do anything wrong, and you're being unfair to punish him for it." The rest of the Rebels might cower before this woman, but her youngest son had long since lost his 'rose-colored glasses' where his parents were concerned.

The young Jedi folded his hands in front of him, nonplussed in the face of his matron's stern anger. "Mom," he said then, Skywalker-blue eyes quiet, earnest, "I can't do that." He wouldn't. "We need each other, you don't really know how much."

oh you <3

[poeticforce]

Leia didn't try not to roll her eyes. "Of course you wouldn't think he's a distraction." Such a typical male thing to say, a typical Solo thing to say. Nothing was a distraction until it was painfully obvious that it was, and by then it was too late.

"I didn't say that he did something wrong." But that was what she meant. And thought, to a degree. Of course she could blame Poe for whatever was going on between him and her youngest son. Poe was older, and furthermore he knew damn well how precious Anakin was to her. How she trusted her son with him. He knew better.

As Anakin continued to protest, albeit far more calmly than virtually anyone else would be (certainly worlds calmer than his older brother), Leia came closer and rested a hand on his shoulder. "You can, and you need to. Maybe when this war is over and things are as they should be, then you can pursue whoever you want to." Ignoring that people like Poe had a tendency to not survive whatever war they were fighting, sacrificing themselves for the greater good. "There's already so much you need to be focused on. That the galaxy needs you to be focused on. You don't need the complications of anything more than friendship in your life right now."

[namedforhim]

Hearing all of that, Anakin suddenly jerked away with an exasperated huff, shaking his head. "I'm not the kryffing Messiah, General," he tried not to growl. And by some miracle, succeeded, but it was a near thing. "I don't even know what to do most of the time, so how in all hells can I save the Jedi or embody the Force or whatever it is Uncle Luke tried to beat into my head when I was just a kid!"

Frustration--which had perched on his shoulders all of his life--lashed out without warning, and the corridor light bulbs suddenly whined, buzzed, then burst. Silently horrified, Anakin recoiled from his mother, tucking his hands beneath his arms out of sheer reflex. He didn't speak any further, just shook his head again and headed towards the flight deck, veering that way out of sheer instinct.

Moving by feel alone, he wound his way through the cluttered floor, finally fetching up near Dameron's ship, stuttering to a halt nearly out of breath, but not from any physical exertion. Blue eyes were wide, however, as he ducked beneath a wing, and they fixed on the pilot without hesitation.

Anakin bit his lip, unsure.

[poeticforce]

Though Leia called out after her youngest son, it came as no surprise that he didn't stop. All she could do was sigh. No, it wasn't easy being a Skywalker or Solo -- or both -- but there was nothing that could be done to change that.

Would she have liked a less complicated life for her son? Of course. However, the universe had other things in mind.



Poe was assisting with the pre-flight checklist when he felt the younger man's presence nearing. It filled him with a strange sort of tension until he realized it wasn't Anakin that was causing it. Rather, the energy. He sighed, guessing that Leia had read her son the riot act as well to some extent. What a day. To go from feeling so good to so... unpleasant so quickly.

Turning, he caught Anakin's gaze and felt concern rise up, despite his own discontent and lingering anger. Poe walked over and he had to fight the urge to pull the younger man into his arms. Always easier to address the emotions of others than his own.

"I guess a pilot's work is never done." he tried to joke but the words sounded hollow to his own ears.

[namedforhim]

Although he usually appreciated Poe's slightly skewed sense of humor, today Anakin just wasn't able to be lifted by the jokes. His young face remained serious, blue eyes troubled, haunted. The residual power left by that anger back in the corridor still clung in fractured tendrils to his shadow, and that terrified him. His mind was a closed door, a blank wall, an impenetrable vault; he never wanted Poe to feel this in him.

After three tries, however, he finally managed to untangle his tongue, stare down at his boots, and mutter stilted apologies. Poe didn't deserve this. He'd never deserve this.

"...m' s-sorry, Poe," came out eventually. Anakin shook his head once, twice, heaving a sigh that seemed to come from his feet, which he apparently found irresistibly interesting just now.

[poeticforce]

The sight before him tugged at his heart. Hard. Anakin looked so... young. Hurt. Distraught. For a moment Leia's disappointed and angry voice played in his head, chastising him like he'd somehow taken advantage of her son's good nature. The very thought offended nearly everything in him.

But. But. -- No. She was wrong about that. So damn wrong and Poe wouldn't let any little voices or doubts try to convince him otherwise.

"Anakin..." He sighed, hating every second of this. Feeling hurt, seeing Anakin hurt. Just because he couldn't feel it didn't mean he couldn't tell. In its own way, that little fact simply confirmed it.

Stepping closer, Poe reached out to hook a finger under Anakin's chin and make him tilt his head up in hopes of getting the younger man to look at him. "Hey, this isn't your fault. You've got nothing to apologize for."

[namedforhim]

Nothing made sense anymore. Everything in his head was chaos, a thundering din, noises so loud Anakin feared that if he stood in the middle of the galaxy screaming at the top of his voice, he'd never be heard at all. It shook him, how easily all of that carefully built pretense came crashing down at the first sign of fracture.

Just one rock at a glass house, as his father used to say...

But he lifted his head at Poe's direction, lashes lifting to gaze at the older pilot, but the blue no longer sparkled. "Yeah," he said thickly, "it kinda is, Poe." Again, Anakin bit at his lip. "If it were anyone else but me, she wouldn't care at all."

He shook his head, not meaning to pull away but doing so regardless to pace slightly back and forth. "You could be with anyone else, Poe, and no one would care. Why would they?" A bitter laugh escaped and Anakin slammed the toe of his boot against a heavy crate, feeling the pain shoot all the way to his spine; delicious.

"But because it's me, and I'm supposed to somehow save the entire kriffing galaxy, everyone has a problem about us being together." He snapped around, and now the blue eyes were hard, narrowed as they were. "It's not fucking fair."

[poeticforce]

He frowned, lips pressed together in a thin line. As much as he was irritated for himself, he was more bothered by how clearly Anakin was affected. Yes, Poe was prone to put others above himself, but this was different. This was personal. It had become practically instinct to look after or look out for the younger man, not in a chastising or overly protective way, but in the way one wanted to look after someone their heart beat for.

The kick startled him and pulled Poe out of his worrying thoughts, although it certainly didn't lessen his concern for the other man. Amplified it, if anything. "Hey... Hey, stop that!" Coming forward, he caught Anakin's arms, hands with a light grip on his biceps, and he met that hard stare with his own steady one. "Don't let it get to you like this." Easy to say when he'd been struggling with containing his own anger.

"Leia's just..." Poe trailed off, fumbling for words and for once not able to find them. This wasn't something he could justify. If anyone else were involved, maybe. But he couldn't... she knew him better than to accuse him of some of what she did. Yeah, it was probably her own anger and surprise talking, but that didn't make it sting any less or remove the words from his memory. Some dark, unkind voice in the back of his head proposed that maybe it was a quirk of that bloodline. He banished the thought.

"You know what? I don't care." he suddenly declared, hands briefly squeezing. "I don't care. Let people think whatever they want. Let your mother think whatever she wants. We're together, so what? Anyone with a problem can get over it. There's a million more important things for everyone else to worry about than if you and I are dating."

[namedforhim]

It was habit to let Poe take his arms, habit to fall still under that supporting touch, but Anakin still wasn't entirely in the mood to be placated. Seething anger still roiled beneath his skin, sending angry red strikes unseen through the aura of the Force. And the shadows gobbled them right up, so greedy, so greedy...

Shuddering, Anakin finally met Poe's gaze, though there was hardly any give in the blue eyes that stared back. Suddenly, the youngest Solo felt the weight of over a thousand years, the burdens heavy as they settled on his shoulders. He drooped, would have dropped had Poe not been holding him, but regained a little balance after a quick moment or so.

Gods, but he was so tired of this!

Poe's milld outburst didn't do much to reassure him, either. Anakin sighed, suddenly so very weary. He placed his hands on Poe's arms in turn, leaning forward to press their foreheads together.

"...Poe." His voice was quiet, heartsick. "You have to care. We have to care. M-Maybe she's...right, about some of it." Anakin's eyes slowly closed. "...there's so much at stake right now, so much riding on the both of us..." He tried to shake his head, but it was simply too much effort. "I don't wanna give you up." A hitched breath. "I can't. I'm-I'm afraid of losing you."

[poeticforce]

Poe considered it a small victory that the other man didn't pull away from him. It didn't lessen his concern any, but it was a tiny bit of progress. An indication his heart was in the right place. (As if he ever had any doubt when it came to Anakin.)

He let his eyes close, for just a moment, at the small simple contact. However, it wasn't as reassuring as he wanted it to be. So used to feeling something from the younger man, now all he could sense was an unseen boundary between them. It made him fret about how Anakin truly was feeling, about what was going on in his mind. Made him wonder what it was that he didn't want Poe to see or feel. Poe swallowed, trying to be strong for the both of them.

"She's not right. Not about this. About us." He didn't -- couldn't -- believe that for a second. Because if one doubt slipped in, what was to say it wouldn't multiply?

The tone of Anakin's voice made his heart ache and he followed his instincts. One hand moved from Anakin's arm to his face, cupping his cheek as Poe tilted his head and kissed him. Not some innocent little peck on the lips but a full-bodied kiss, the kind they so often shared behind closed doors. A kiss filled with all the wonderful feelings that the younger man consistently invoked in him. When Poe broke the kiss with a soft gasp he remained close, thumb stroking across Anakin's cheek. "I'm not going anywhere, Anakin. No matter what." And though affection was clear in his gaze, his eyes too were serious. If Leia wanted to demote him, or try to kick him out of the Resistance for this... so be it. There was no way he was leaving Anakin. Absolutely no way.