scene with ~namedforhim.

[poeticforce]

They both knew it was bound to happen eventually. No matter how cautious they were, how careful they were, how much they tried to plan or restrain emotions or keep things 'normal' by sheer will alone. They both hated it (to varying extents, Poe would never claim to know exactly what the other man was thinking unless he told him) but it was necessary. Expectations weighed on both of them and there were dozens of reasons why this was a bad idea with potential to have ripples further than either of them could see.

And of course, it happened in the worst way.

He should have made sure the door was locked but after weeks apart thanks to a mission the last thing either of them were thinking about was security. Well, Poe might have, but when Anakin's lips were on his and hands yanking on his belt it was difficult to think about anything but the younger man. Neither of them heard the door, but they definitely heard the startled exclamation and dread chased away desire faster than Poe realized was possible as his eyes flew open to land upon Leia.

For a fleeting moment, he thought he'd almost rather deal with Kylo Ren again. Sure, why not. Even that had to be better than the disappointment -- and betrayal?? -- he swore he could see in her eyes.

Not fifteen minutes later the two of them were having it out in the briefing room, the glass only halfway muffling the argument and certainly doing nothing to hide it from those in mission control at the moment. His face was on fire, less from any embarrassment as from the hard slap that'd nearly made him stumble once he caught up to Leia. It felt like having a fight with his mom and Poe hated that. He hated every second of it. But damn it, they weren't doing anything wrong. His voice raised; this was one argument that he refused to back down from.

Then she had to go and blindside him. Throwing a mission at him that was out near Hutt Space, too dangerous for anyone else. It'd take him easily a week just to get out there and damn it, he'd just gotten back. But either he did his job or he was done. Not demoted, done. Poe was sure it was just emotion talking but that didn't stop the way his throat tightened or his eyes stung.

Fine. Fine. What choice did he have.

Anger and hurt were coiled in his gut, scalding and dark with energy that wasn't purely emotion. He stalked outside with helmet in hand but didn't immediately go to his ship. Flying angry was dangerous. He just needed a minute to try and clear his head, to try and not think about the fact Leia was sending him away because he was involved with her son. It wasn't fucking fair. None of this was.

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[poeticforce]

The sight before him tugged at his heart. Hard. Anakin looked so... young. Hurt. Distraught. For a moment Leia's disappointed and angry voice played in his head, chastising him like he'd somehow taken advantage of her son's good nature. The very thought offended nearly everything in him.

But. But. -- No. She was wrong about that. So damn wrong and Poe wouldn't let any little voices or doubts try to convince him otherwise.

"Anakin..." He sighed, hating every second of this. Feeling hurt, seeing Anakin hurt. Just because he couldn't feel it didn't mean he couldn't tell. In its own way, that little fact simply confirmed it.

Stepping closer, Poe reached out to hook a finger under Anakin's chin and make him tilt his head up in hopes of getting the younger man to look at him. "Hey, this isn't your fault. You've got nothing to apologize for."

[namedforhim]

Nothing made sense anymore. Everything in his head was chaos, a thundering din, noises so loud Anakin feared that if he stood in the middle of the galaxy screaming at the top of his voice, he'd never be heard at all. It shook him, how easily all of that carefully built pretense came crashing down at the first sign of fracture.

Just one rock at a glass house, as his father used to say...

But he lifted his head at Poe's direction, lashes lifting to gaze at the older pilot, but the blue no longer sparkled. "Yeah," he said thickly, "it kinda is, Poe." Again, Anakin bit at his lip. "If it were anyone else but me, she wouldn't care at all."

He shook his head, not meaning to pull away but doing so regardless to pace slightly back and forth. "You could be with anyone else, Poe, and no one would care. Why would they?" A bitter laugh escaped and Anakin slammed the toe of his boot against a heavy crate, feeling the pain shoot all the way to his spine; delicious.

"But because it's me, and I'm supposed to somehow save the entire kriffing galaxy, everyone has a problem about us being together." He snapped around, and now the blue eyes were hard, narrowed as they were. "It's not fucking fair."

[poeticforce]

He frowned, lips pressed together in a thin line. As much as he was irritated for himself, he was more bothered by how clearly Anakin was affected. Yes, Poe was prone to put others above himself, but this was different. This was personal. It had become practically instinct to look after or look out for the younger man, not in a chastising or overly protective way, but in the way one wanted to look after someone their heart beat for.

The kick startled him and pulled Poe out of his worrying thoughts, although it certainly didn't lessen his concern for the other man. Amplified it, if anything. "Hey... Hey, stop that!" Coming forward, he caught Anakin's arms, hands with a light grip on his biceps, and he met that hard stare with his own steady one. "Don't let it get to you like this." Easy to say when he'd been struggling with containing his own anger.

"Leia's just..." Poe trailed off, fumbling for words and for once not able to find them. This wasn't something he could justify. If anyone else were involved, maybe. But he couldn't... she knew him better than to accuse him of some of what she did. Yeah, it was probably her own anger and surprise talking, but that didn't make it sting any less or remove the words from his memory. Some dark, unkind voice in the back of his head proposed that maybe it was a quirk of that bloodline. He banished the thought.

"You know what? I don't care." he suddenly declared, hands briefly squeezing. "I don't care. Let people think whatever they want. Let your mother think whatever she wants. We're together, so what? Anyone with a problem can get over it. There's a million more important things for everyone else to worry about than if you and I are dating."

[namedforhim]

It was habit to let Poe take his arms, habit to fall still under that supporting touch, but Anakin still wasn't entirely in the mood to be placated. Seething anger still roiled beneath his skin, sending angry red strikes unseen through the aura of the Force. And the shadows gobbled them right up, so greedy, so greedy...

Shuddering, Anakin finally met Poe's gaze, though there was hardly any give in the blue eyes that stared back. Suddenly, the youngest Solo felt the weight of over a thousand years, the burdens heavy as they settled on his shoulders. He drooped, would have dropped had Poe not been holding him, but regained a little balance after a quick moment or so.

Gods, but he was so tired of this!

Poe's milld outburst didn't do much to reassure him, either. Anakin sighed, suddenly so very weary. He placed his hands on Poe's arms in turn, leaning forward to press their foreheads together.

"...Poe." His voice was quiet, heartsick. "You have to care. We have to care. M-Maybe she's...right, about some of it." Anakin's eyes slowly closed. "...there's so much at stake right now, so much riding on the both of us..." He tried to shake his head, but it was simply too much effort. "I don't wanna give you up." A hitched breath. "I can't. I'm-I'm afraid of losing you."

[poeticforce]

Poe considered it a small victory that the other man didn't pull away from him. It didn't lessen his concern any, but it was a tiny bit of progress. An indication his heart was in the right place. (As if he ever had any doubt when it came to Anakin.)

He let his eyes close, for just a moment, at the small simple contact. However, it wasn't as reassuring as he wanted it to be. So used to feeling something from the younger man, now all he could sense was an unseen boundary between them. It made him fret about how Anakin truly was feeling, about what was going on in his mind. Made him wonder what it was that he didn't want Poe to see or feel. Poe swallowed, trying to be strong for the both of them.

"She's not right. Not about this. About us." He didn't -- couldn't -- believe that for a second. Because if one doubt slipped in, what was to say it wouldn't multiply?

The tone of Anakin's voice made his heart ache and he followed his instincts. One hand moved from Anakin's arm to his face, cupping his cheek as Poe tilted his head and kissed him. Not some innocent little peck on the lips but a full-bodied kiss, the kind they so often shared behind closed doors. A kiss filled with all the wonderful feelings that the younger man consistently invoked in him. When Poe broke the kiss with a soft gasp he remained close, thumb stroking across Anakin's cheek. "I'm not going anywhere, Anakin. No matter what." And though affection was clear in his gaze, his eyes too were serious. If Leia wanted to demote him, or try to kick him out of the Resistance for this... so be it. There was no way he was leaving Anakin. Absolutely no way.